One New Bloom
Have you ever been in a season where you felt as though the dreams and desires in your heart had been there for so long, unfulfilled, that maybe they weren’t supposed to be your dreams and desires after all? That maybe after all this time of waiting, believing, hoping and dreaming, you were wrong about them all along? Maybe they were all just something you had conjured up in your head when you were younger and so you just blindly followed them? I have a feeling we have all experienced this at one time or another. When our questions and doubts seem to outweigh what we really know deep down in our hearts. When fears and insecurities and our past mess-ups seem to speak louder than every promise we know to be true from the Father. I was there, and not too long ago.
When I think about the past year, these are some words that come to mind: transition, adjust, process, shift, trust, hope, fear, insecurity, worry, contend, stand and dream. I have experienced a really broad spectrum of feelings. I have felt strong and inspired, and I have felt weak and hopeless. There are moments of pure thrill at the thought of what God has in store, and there are moments when I am doing well just to muster up enough bravery to put one foot in front of the other. Faith friends, do not be concerned, stay with me here. I know where my help comes from and I’ve never lost sight of that. But emotions are real and I personally am striving to be the real thing in every area of my life. In my friendships, in my work, and in my relationship with the Father. To pretend I’m not afraid or worried at times would be pointless. My Father knows my heart and He knows the areas I’m growing in. So when I say words like fear, insecurity and worry, it’s okay. Our Father absolutely loves our imperfect humanness and He is an ever present help in our time of trouble. Psalm 46:1 says so. If we were perfect and never experienced trouble, we wouldn’t need Him, and trust me, I know I need Him.
I’ve shared in prior blogs that the past year of my life has been marked by very certain prayer times. Times that I have been able to look back on and glean from when nothing on the outside was lining up with what I saw in my heart. I enjoy sharing these times because I have always felt that when the Lord is working something in you, it is usually for a bigger purpose than just the one you see in front of you, and someone else probably needs it too.
This one particular day in my prayer time I was just really pouring out my heart to the Lord, tears and all. (remember the part about me longing to be the real thing?) This is a portion of what I wrote in my journal from that day: “These things, these desires in my heart, if they aren’t from You, please take them away from me. I can’t continue on like this - contending for things not meant for me. Please just take these dreams and desires away from me if they aren’t for me. I feel like it’s just been so long. Such a long journey… I want to be committed to what You want 100%…” It was just one of those moments in prayer that my heart was longing to put every feeling out there and lay before the Lord in honesty and openness. I was at a point where I wanted to move on and move forward, and I just needed to hear from Him that these desires and dreams were indeed planted by Him and I was to keep pressing on. Looking back, I knew deep down in my heart, even at that moment, that the Lord had placed those things in my heart, but I was looking at the outside and couldn’t see the path. So as I was pouring out my heart, something caught my eye. The plant that sits on top of my armoire. I move closer to it. What is that? At the top? What is it? Is that a bloom? A flower? No way! Now, you’re probably wondering why seeing a flower shocked me so much. This plant arrangement had been given to me 3 years prior and consisted of a green plant and one with flowers. The flower portion had died off quickly and had remained a green plant, with no flowers. And now a flower blooms? Yes! This little flower had made its way to the surface, where there had been no flower for 3 years.
Now, let me say, I am not one to go around looking for signs everywhere, but that day, in that moment, the Lord spoke to me through that one new bloom. It was in that moment that every fear, doubt and insecurity collided with the truth of God’s Word to me. See, under the surface, for 3 years, something was working. Something was taking place underneath the soil that I could not see. Something that I did not expect, something I thought was dead and gone. But there it was, this new bloom. It represented dreams and desires that I thought may be dead and gone - the very thing I had just cried out to the Lord about! His answer came to me in a single bloom. My eyes were opened that day. When He plants something in our hearts, a dream and desire, they are alive and well. Even when we don’t see it on the surface, they are alive. It may take some time before they spring forth, but they will spring forth in their due season.
Friends, don’t lose heart. Keep standing for what the Lord has planted within you. His timing is perfect and your dreams are beautiful to Him. Be patient in the season you’re in, knowing that He is working in the soil, preparing things and making your path clear before you. Do not be distracted by all that you cannot see on the surface. Instead, with thanksgiving and an expectant heart, keep watching with the eyes of faith and rejoice! For whatever season you may find yourself in, new dreams are waiting to bloom.